Four months ago an email popped up in my inbox from my long-time internet friend and fellow photographer Brooke. In it, she told me about her battle with PCOS, and her years long struggle to conceive. Her heartbreak. Her persistent optimism that was always, without fail, followed by a negative pregnancy test and an empty, hollow yearning. Tears poured from her body, aching and relentless, as infertility took her to the edge of a deep depression. Until finally, on the eve of her + her husband Mitch’s foray into the often unpredictable and trying realm of fertility treatments, she took one last test – it was positive. Tears of sadness quickly turned to ones of immense joy and shock and disbelief and gratitude and holy-shit-this-is-real-and-it’s-finally-our-time-and-OH-MY-GOD!!! At the tail end of her email Brooke asked if I was available to document this chapter in her and Mitch’s story. If I would be willing to make...
relentlessly beautiful | on self love and redefining beauty
I speak a lot about beauty; on this blog, on Instagram, in real life. A few years ago I launched a portrait project aimed at changing the way we see ourselves – and our flaws – and helping us to re-examine our own definitions of beauty. I carry the principles of the Beauty Collective with me daily and often talk about them with women during – or after – photo shoots. And yet. AND YET. Here I am, the lifter-upper-of others, the champion for self worth and self love, struggling with who I think I am based on what I look like. Not daily, but often enough. I am a walking contradiction. While I’m relentlessly championing others and helping to propel women to a place of acceptance – a place where they can honor their imperfections and put away their insecurities – I am here, quietly putting way too much value on my exterior....
on letting go of what they say and finding myself in motherhood
Whoever “They” are – those endless voices that guide our lives, whisper relentlessly into our souls – wherever they reside and whatever their fleeting and false import, They dropped the ball recently. They missed the mark. They let me down. They’ve let us all down. While I was growing my eldest womb fruit, and preparing to embark on the most daunting journey of my life, They told me how to diaper (disposables are for the lazy!) and feed (breast is best!) and sleep (baby loves her back!) and restrain (five point harness until they’re 20!), the growing human within me, once she finally made her debut into this world. They set me up for a few solid years of feeling like I was the worst mom ever. It was awesome. It was relentless. It was ruining me. But in their finite wisdom, They missed a few important things about what...
remembering a perfectly wonderful year | the best of 2014
It’s that time of year again — time for me to reflect on all that’s happened over the past twelve months. I’ve been dreading this post, actually. Which probably seems odd. But it means that this year is over. That it’s gone, folded into the pages of memory, and I’m not quite ready to let it go just yet. It was incredibly perfect. Everything I’ve been dreaming of since I launched this humble endeavor, and decided, once and for all to chase headlong into the chasm of dreaming-so-big-it’s-scary. This year has been – has meant – everything. But much to my chagrin, and despite my resistance, the year is coming to a close. So it’s time to savor each and every moment I was able to spend with all of you. A walk down the aisle. A new baby. Friendship. Family. Joy. Your stories are my why, and every single time...
