Dear 2019, I really didn’t want to do this; write a post reflecting on this past year. In all honesty, the last few months of 2019 were really fucking dreadful. It’s been tough to look back on all of the wonderful things 2019 showed me since tragedy struck my brother in late October, extending its tentacles outward onto the whole of my family. But, clinging to the optimist that I (was) am, I will lean into the 2020 idea of having clear vision, and spend some time looking back. While I am happy to admit that I met a few of the intentions I set for myself in 2019: To live the year with resolve, to make amends where I can and to let go where I cannot. There were a few areas in which I fell short. I did a lot of letting go, but in doing so let a little too much of myself go as well....
on loss, despair, and finding hope in healing | an open letter to 2018
Oh, 2018, what a blissful and terrible nightmare dream you were. In January you took my nephew from us and really set the tone for what the year’s focus would be (loss). Massive fucking amounts of loss. Yet still – and this is proof of just how fucked up you were, 2018 – I am grateful. Humbled. Yeah, a little humiliated, too, but mostly? I’m filled with gratitude. You shattered me, but you lifted me up, too. You brought me so many remarkable experiences (thank you for those). In taking as much as you did, though, you broke me completely. For a long time, I thought you had broken me irreparably, but that is not that case (you knew that all along, didn’t you?). In my destruction I found the greatest strength I’ve ever known, and have finally – finally! – allowed myself to meet myself – and she is beautiful. Intelligent. Caring....
love is a first date that becomes forever, friends and family, and fierce companionship. love is katie + matthew’s paikka wedding
Capturing a wedding day with my camera is monumentally easier than trying to describe it with my words. In telling the story through my lens I’m able to focus solely on everyone else’s emotions, but in writing it down here I have to look deeper, inward, at my own. What can I possibly say about Katie and Matthew that will do their story justice? The feelings overwhelm me, as does their love. Their story. Their sheer existence. I met Katie four years ago when she and three other incredible, talented, and driven women invited me to make images for their recently launched digital fashion magazine. Katie has a warmth about her that is radiant. A kindness that is wholly exuberant, uninhibited and unfettered. It flows so easily from her it’s impossible believe anything other than that she is comprised of the truest heart and a sweeping, encompassing, unconditional love. We became...
love is best friends and white sand beaches and tropical breezes. love is bri + vern’s holbox wedding.
As we find ourselves suddenly engulfed in a sea of love, falling into it feels as though it is the easiest thing we’ll likely do. Yet staying in love – keeping the deep, warm amber of its glow lit – is one of the most difficult endeavors of our lifetimes. Largely, we fail at it. Until one day, we don’t. The ease of the fall into love, coupled with the fight to hold on to it, is what makes the journey worthwhile. Few people understand this better than Bri + Vern. Amidst heartaches and hardships, through joy and adventure, after all that came before they came together as one, Bri and Vern have grown into two of the most giving and kind, loving and gracious people I have the pleasure of knowing and the privilege of calling my friends. I didn’t think Bri and Vern would get married, or at least...
